Sunday, April 29, 2007

Dustin Diamond (2007 Celebrity Fit Club Appearance - Episode II)

Episode II - April 29, 2007

The second episode began with the men's team competing against the women's team in a hiking/obstacle course challenge. Diamond was very impressed with himself because he knew how to use a compass, even though nobody else was impressed. The teams were each given written instructions regarding the path/direction of travel they were to take. Diamond started out talking trash and said "follow me if you want to win" to the rest of the team even though nobody seemed to want him to be their team leader.

The men's team ended up winning the challenge and the women's team had to cook dinner for everyone. Both teams stayed overnight at a cabin somewhere in the woods and ate dinner together at a large table. Diamond started telling his team-members that there was no way that he was going to get his weight down to the goal of 187 lbs because "I eat crap," much to the chagrin of his team-mates.

When dinner was ready and the women joined the men at the table Diamond immediately took control of the dinner conversation and inappropriately (and rudely) started talking about his sex tape. Diamond was annoyed that nobody seemed to care about his sex tape, and was visibly upset when the women's team member DaBrat, the only person at the team even paying attention to Diamond, called him "Screech." Diamond said to DaBrat, "The D-Man is packing heat." Diamond also claimed that the release of the tape almost ended his relationship with his fake wife, Jennifer.

In an interview after the dinner, Cledus Judd said that Diamond had really pissed everyone off by talking about his sex tape at the dinner table. After the dinner, Diamond was shown talking to Maureen McCormick and Ross the Intern in another room having a little temper tantrum. Diamond complained about hostility directed toward him by the other team members.

Diamond directed much of his anger toward Kimberly Locke. He said, "I have been in this business for 22 years ... She's barking with the big dogs and she is not a big dog." That line was especially humorous because Diamond is under the delusion that he's a big star, even though he has never been a big star, either now or when he was on Saved By The Bell.

Cledus was brought into the room to try to calm down Diamond and smooth things over. However, Diamond kept bitching and Cledus told Diamond "You piss people off. You’re very crass and not very kind."

Next, during the latter part of the show, everyone was shown in the weigh-in room. At the start of the weigh-in, DaBrat was asked about Diamond and said, "I don't like him."

Diamond was the first person to be weighed. He had performed fairly well and managed to lose 9 lbs from the first weigh-in, dropping his weigh down to 208 lbs. Dr. Ian Smith complained about Diamond's diet journal and said that he thought that Diamond was lying in his journal by saying he ate junk food that he did not, in fact, eat.

The men were subsequently asked to pick a team captain and they chose Warren G as their captain. During Warren G's weigh-in, Harvey singled out Diamond and said to Warren G, "Good luck with Dustin." It was pretty obvious that Diamond was upset about being singled out by Harvey.

At the end of the weigh-in, DaBrat complained that Diamond was only on the show to get some camera time and did not really care about losing weight. She also said to Diamond, "You are looking like an asshole on TV." Diamond just took it and saved his replies until later, when everyone was out of hearing range and unloaded during an interview.

During his interview, Diamond said the following about Kimberly Locke and the other cast members:

Kim is a loser on another show. She's going to have a problem losing weight because she is a big girl and she will always be a big girl. If Kimberly drowned, I wouldn't lose any sleep tonight.
These people are fucked in the head.

***Be sure to check out my other Dustin Diamond entries:
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club: Episode I
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club: Episode III
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club: Episode IV
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club: Episode V
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club Episode VI
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club Episode VII
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club Episode VIII
Dustin Diamond - The Early Years
Dustin Diamond (2000-Present)
Dustin Diamond - (2008 Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp Appearance)

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Richard Simmons

Richard Simmons is a fitness expert who promotes weight-loss programs. He has starred in a well-known line of fitness videos and has appeared on many television programs. His fitness videos include the Sweatin' to the Oldies series. He is also known for the infomercials for his videos, and for his weight-loss food plans, such as The Deal-A-Meal program and FoodMover. Simmons is very recognizable for his curly jew-fro, his tight little running shorts that went out of style in the mid-1980s, and flamboyant personality that radiates homosexuality, despite his protestations to the contrary (in my opinion, he lost his heterosexual "street cred" many, many years ago).

Simmons was born Milton Teagle Simmons on July 12, 1948 in New Orleans, Louisiana, and was raised in the French Quarter. He was a rather chubby child, weighing 268 pounds at the time of his high school graduation. Simmons eventually went on a crash diet and lost 123 lb as a young adult. During an appearance on The Tonight Show and during other various media appearances, Simmons claimed that much of his hair fell out due to losing weight in an unhealthy manner. Simmons later had hair transplants, moving some of his own hair from the back of his head to the front.

He moved to Los Angeles in the 1970s and worked as the MaƮtre d' at a restaurant in Beverly Hills. He became interested in fitness, but was dissatisfied with the unhealthy fad diet methods and established gyms and exercise studios which, at the time, favored the already fit customer. Simmons later opened his own exercise studio, originally called The Anatomy Asylum, he emphasized the importance of healthy eating in proper portions and enjoyable exercise.

Simmons drew national attention after an appearance on the TV show Real People during which he was shown at work and introducing customers who he had helped to lose weight. Simmons parlayed his Real People appearance into a recurring role on the soap opera General Hospital, where he played himself. This exposure led to further media focus, as well as personal appearances in shopping malls, where he taught exercise classes. For a time in the early 1980s, Simmons had a fairly successful talk show, The Richard Simmons Show, where he focused on personal health, fitness, exercise, and healthy cooking.

Simmons has appeared as himself on numerous TV shows over the years, including Whose Line Is It Anyway?, CHiPs, and Saturday Night Live. His appearance on Whose Line Is It Anyway? is famous for how unbelievably gay Simmons was during his appearance, as one can clearly see in the clip below:

Simmons has claimed many times over the years that he is not gay, despite the fact that absolutely nobody believes him. Rumors of his homosexuality have almost certainly plagued him since he was a child. In his 1999 autobiography, Still Hungry After All These Years: My Story, Simmons actually admitted that he had an enormous Barbie Doll collection as a child! I guess he didn't like to play with G.I. Joe action figures, like the other boys his age.

Simmons was a frequent guest on The Howard Stern Show up until the early 1990s. Simmons boycotted The Howard Stern Show for several years after a 1992 appearance on the show when Howard Stern said to Simmons "Your belly hangs like your nuts." Simmons eventually appeared on the show again. In a recent appearance, on April 10, 2007, Howard Stern said that Richard was kind of womanly with the way he dresses. Simmons was very insulted and walked off the show crying like a little baby.

Simmons was also a frequent guest at one time on the Late Night with David Letterman. However, on November 22, 2000, Simmons had a falling out with Letterman after an incident that occurred on that night's show. Simmons (while dressed as a turkey) was sprayed in the face by Letterman with a fire extinguisher after Simmons grabbed Letterman as if to hug or kiss him, causing Simmons to have a severe asthma attack. Simmons did not appear again on the show for six years.

Simmons ran afoul on the law on March 24, 2004. Simmons was arrested and charged with assault after slapping Chris Farney, a motorcycle salesman, at Sky Harbor International Airport in Phoenix, Arizona. Farney had spotted Simmons in the crowd and said, "Look, Richard Simmons! Drop your bags, let's rock to the '50s." Simmons replied, "It's not nice to make fun of people with issues," then lightly slapped Farney's face. An embarrassed Farney called the police, despite not having suffered any injuries. All charges against Simmons were dropped.

Even though Simmons has amassed a large personal fortune from his weight loss empire (possibly in excess of $100 million), Simmons is the butt of many, many jokes and there can be no doubt that Richard Simmons is one washed-up celebrity!

Monday, April 23, 2007

Dustin Diamond (2007 Celebrity Fit Club Appearance - Episode I)

Episode I - April 22, 2007

The episode started with all eight contestants on the show breaking up into teams (four guys versus four girls) and doing several track and field events and an obstacle course and running up steps at a track stadium. Diamond was shown doing the long jump and he looked really funny running. Diamond has an enormous gut and it affects his balance when he runs. His legs are chunky and completely devoid of muscular definition.

In one of the events, everyone had to run a quarter mile sprint around the track. Diamond's time was 1:49. (If any of you ran track in high school, you know that is an unbelievably slow time for a quarter mile sprint.) Seriously, if you walked as fast as you could, you would come close to that time.

Next, they showed the gang in the judging room where everyone had to be weighed in. Diamond kept interrupting during other people's weigh-ins and would say stupid things like "trust the dust." When Kimberly Locke was being weighed in, Harvey (the trainer) and Dr. Ian Smith were telling her to cut back on pizza when Diamond rudely interrupted and said "Stick with the pizza. Trust the Dust." Everyone turned around and stared at Diamond with a look on their faces that seemed to express the thought "what a dick."

When Diamond was being weighed in, he said he was going to lose weight without cutting out junk food. Diamond said "I battle with truth and logic, therefore I can never be wrong" when discussing how he was going to lose weigh. His statement was perplexing and didn't make much sense.

They showed a clip of Diamond sitting in a chair at home sucking down chips, a burger, and cheeze whiz. Diamond was shown wearing a wifebeater undershirt. His arms are very flabby and he has a fruity tatoo on his right arm. Jennifer Misner, Diamond's girlfriend, was shown and she said Diamond has gained 35-40 lbs since she's known him. Here are some of the pictures of Diamond at his house scrafing down greasy food:

When Diamond was being weighed in, he kept talking and talking. His verbosity eventually prompted the show's psychologist, Stacey Kaiser, to tell Diamond to put his hand over his mouth and "shut up and listen" when she gave him advice he did not want to hear. Diamond weighed in at a chubby 217 lbs with 28.8% body fat. Here are pictures of Diamond without a shirt on, showing just how fat he has become (he almost looks pregnant!):

One funny scene occured a few minutes later when Cletus Judd was weighed in and referred to Diamond as "Screech." Everyone smiled and started laughing except for Diamond, who was upset.

***Be sure to check out my other Dustin Diamond entries:
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club: Episode II
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club: Episode III
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club: Episode IV
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club: Episode V
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club Episode VI
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club Episode VII
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club Episode VIII
Dustin Diamond - The Early Years
Dustin Diamond (2000-Present)
Dustin Diamond - (2008 Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp Appearance)

Dustin Diamond (2007 Celebrity Fit Club Appearance)

As you have probably already heard, Dustin Diamond is appearing on the fifth season of Celebrity Fit Club. There have already been several reports published about how the enitre cast hated Diamond and how Diamond was a real jerk and obnoxious to other people on the show. I was initially going to edit the previous Dustin Diamond entry (i.e., Dustin Diamond (2000-present)), but I decided that Diamond was going to provide more than enough material to justify an entire new post. Moreover, the previous entry was getting really long.

Be sure to check back periodically, as I will provide an episode summary after each episode of the show. My summaries will be focused on Diamond's actions on the show as well as his interactions with other cast-members.

Episode I Summary
Episode II Summary
Episode III Summary
Episode IV Summary
Episode V Summary
Episode VI Summary
Episode VII Summary
Episode VIII Summary

***Be sure to check out my other Dustin Diamond entries:
Dustin Diamond - The Early Years
Dustin Diamond (2000-Present)
Dustin Diamond - (2008 Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp Appearance)

Saturday, April 21, 2007

David Faustino

David Faustino is a former child actor best known for his role as "Bud Bundy" on the successful FOX sitcom Married With Children from 1987-1997. Fans of Married With Children saw Faustino grow from a youth into a young adult. Here are pictures of a young Faustino from his early years on the show:

One of the major themes with the character Bud, was Bud's completely inept skills with the ladies. Faustino's character was also known for his long mullet. When the show started, Faustino was an undersized runt. The show's producers probably thought that Faustino would eventually grow into the role, but it never happened, as Faustino appeared to stop growing at age 12.

Unlike many of the child stars profile on this blog, I actually think that Faustino was perfect for his role. He was funny and was very believable as Bud Bundy. The fact that he stopped growing at a young age probably helped prolong the show. Married with Children was a decent enough show, and was definitely very funny at times, but it is pretty obvious that the show's producers ran out of ideas in the first few seasons, but somehow managed to stretch the show into a 10th season. Faustino's character was definitely a major factor in show's success.

Faustino, like other child stars (such as Brian Austin Green, Corey Feldman, and Dustin Diamond), made an unsuccessful attempt to branch out into singing. Faustino called himself "D L'il" and released a rap album in 1992 entitled "Balistyx," named after a hip-hop/funk nightclub he owned on Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood, California. The album was a critical and commercial failure and Faustino apparently abandoned his rap stardom aspirations after the album's release.

Faustino's foray into rap was parodied on Married With Children. Specifically, in several of the episodes in the early 1990s Faustino's Bud Bundy character began calling himself "Grandmaster B," a white rapper. Everyone else in the Bundy family would conveniently forget his name and instead call him names like "Grandma B," "Crossdresser B," "Bedwetter B," and "Grandmaster Virgin."

Faustino actually managed to score a hot wife, Andrea Elmer, in 2004. They look like the odd couple in the picture below, with his wife towering over the diminutive Faustino. Their marriage life was apparently troubled and Faustino filed for divorce in 2007.

Ever since Married With Children's cancellation in 1997, Faustino has struggled to revive his career. Faustino's biggest role in the past 10 years was on the 2002 celebrity/reality television special Celebrity Boot Camp. You probably don't remember him from the show because as far as I can tell nobody watched that series. He has also appeared in crappy movies such as the 2001 low-budget film Killer Bud.

Like fellow washed-up celebrity Jeremy Miller, Faustino has recently appeared in a McDonald's "Menuaires" commercial. All of this makes David Faustino one washed-up celebrity!

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Lane Garrison

Lane Garrison is a young actor who was a rising star in Hollywood until very recently when he made the ill-fated decision to drive while heavily intoxicated.

Garrison was born in Dallas, Texas on May 23, 1980 and raised in Richardson, Texas. He was a troubled youth and admits to having been a thief. He stole items such as cars and stereos. He had a troubled relationship with his mother and moved out of his mother's house at age seventeen. As luck would have it, his family's minister was a nice man who took Garrison under his wing and let Garrison stay at his house with his family until Garrison straightened his life out. Surprisingly, the minister was Joe Simpson, the father of pop stars Jessica and Ashlee Simpson.

In 1998, at the age of eighteen, Garrison drove to Los Angeles to become an actor. His first acting job was in backpack commercial that paid $3,500. Garrison struggled to make it for several years until he finally got his big break and was cast as David "Tweener" Apolskis on the hit TV show Prison Break. His character was a punk who was sent to the Fox River State Penitentiary. His character earned the name "Tweener" because he acted like a wigger when he arrived at Fox River and neither the black inmates nor the white inmates would associate with him. Tweener was immediately a mark for some of the gay inmates on the show, such as Theodore "T-Bag" Bagwell. In one of the episodes Tweener cried himself to sleep because T-Bag kept threatening to molest him. A sadistic prison guard, Brad Bellick, quickly arranged for a large inmate to share Tweener's cell. The large inmate eventually raped Tweener. As a result of the abuse, Tweener was eventually included in the main plotline involving several inmates escaping the prison.

The Tweener character was killed off the show in 2006. However, Garrison's character built a loyal following of fans and he was eventually cast in a minor role in the 2007 major motion picture Shooter. Garrison must have felt like he was on top of the world as he was undoubtedly on the path toward bigger and better movie and/or TV roles.

Unfortunately, Garrison's world and career imploded on December 2, 2006 when he was involved in a fatal car crash. On that fateful day Garrison had been drinking and ran into some teens (one 17-year-old boy, and two 15-year-old girls) at a grocery store. Although he didn't know the teens, they recognized him from Prison Break and asked him to accompany them to a party. Garrison obliged them and showed up at the party where he had at least one drink with his underage fans. According to some sources, Garrison was doing several shots with the group of high school students when he crashed his SUV on the way to the liquor store to restock on his particular brand of vodka. In the crash, Garrison lost control of his SUV, jumped a curb and ran into a tree at a high rate of speed. His 17-year-old male passenger died in the crash and the two 15-year-old girls were also injured, one critically. It was later reported that Garrison's blood alcohol level at the time of the crash was more than twice the legal limit (i.e., greater than .16%) and that was under the influence of cocaine.

On March 8, 2007 Garrison was charged with vehicular manslaughter for his role in the crash. Garrison has accepted responsibility for his actions and on April 11, 2007 it was reported that Garrison would plead guilty to the charge of vehicular manslaughter.

Garrison faces up to six years and eight months in prison for his crime. Garrison is a small man and he had better hope that life doesn't imitate art when he is sentenced to prison time because he sure won't want to experience the kind of abuse that his character Tweener did at the hands of horny aggressors at the Fox River State Penitentiary in Prison Break.

For the many reasons discussed above, Lane Garrison is one washed-up celebrity!

** I take no pleasure in this blog post because someone died in Garrison's crash and Garrison seemed to be a decent guy until his accident.

*** Update - August 2, 2007 ***
Lane Garrison was sentenced to 90 days in California state prison today. Liberal judge Elden Fox infuriated the parents of the kids killed in Garrison's DUI accident by sentencing Garrison to a 90 day stint during which psychiatrists and others will evaluate him to determine whether he is a suitable candidate for straight probation. The odds are that the judge will let Garrison go free after a mere 3 months in prison. Garrison should thank his lucky stars that he was not assigned the judge from the Paris Hilton trial. If he had that judge, he would have been looking at years in prison.

*** Update - November 1, 2007 ***
Lane Garrison was sentenced to 40 months in California state prison for his DUI accident. Before the sentencing, an emotional Garrison told the familes of his victims that he was "'genuinely remorseful' and 'sickened' by his bahevior that night." Garrison will be credited for the time he has already served while undergoing the psychological evaluation discussed above. Garrison was also ordered to pay about $300,000 to the families of his victims.

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Todd Bridges

Todd Bridges is a former child star who played the part of "Willis Jackson" on the hit TV sitcom Diff'rent Strokes, which ran from 1978-1986. Willis was the older brother of Arnold Jackson (played by fellow washed-up celebrity Gary Coleman). The Jacksons were the black children from a poor Harlem background whose deceased mother previously worked for a rich white widower Phillip Drummond (played by Conrad Bain), who eventually adopted them. I always enjoyed Diff'rent Strokes, although I will admit that the show really ran out of steam by the mid-1980s.

When Diff'rent Strokes was finally cancelled, Bridges' entertainment career hit a standstill and he quickly turned to drugs and a life of crime. Bridges was arrested for carrying a concealed firearm in 1983, near the end of his time on Diff'rent Strokes, and Bridges was fined $240. In 1987 Bridges was arrested for armed robbery after being accused of pulling a gun on a mechanic and taking back his BMW without paying the $500 bill (the charge was later dropped after a witness said wasn't sure if it was Bridges). Bridges also received a suspended sentence in 1987 after pleading no contest to charges of making a bomb threat against an auto customizer. Bridges was later arrested in 1988 on suspicion of reckless driving.

Although those were all serious crimes, they pale in comparison to the criminal charges brought against Bridges on February 2, 1989. On that day, in the midst of a four-day cocaine bender, the then-23-year-old actor was arrested on suspicion of shooting an accused drug dealer at a South Central L.A. crack den. Prosecutors claimed that Bridges (who later admitted to a 14-gram-a-day cocaine habit) shot an accused drug dealer eight times at close range (the man survived his wounds).

Bridges was jailed and bail was set at $2 million. Bridges must have soiled his pants when the charges were brought because he paid superlawyer (and later O.J. Simpson murder defense lawyer) Johnnie Cochran to represent him. Bridges, who said that he had turned to drugs to cope with personal problems, testified that he was so intoxicated on cocaine on the night in question that he couldn't remember whether he had fired the shots. Two juries eventually cleared Bridges of all charges.

Despite the acquittal, Bridges failed to clean up his act. In 1990 Bridges was arrested on suspicion of cocaine possession (no charges were filed). On March 7, 1993 Bridges was arrested for stabbing a border at his home. On December 29, 1993, Bridges was arrested for transporting methamphetamine (speed). In 1997 he was charged with assault with a deadly weapon after he repeatedly rammed a friend in another car in a fit of rage. He pled guilty to the lesser charge of vandalism, performed court-ordered community service and paid a fine.

Bridge's criminal behavior eventually died down as he finally sobered up in the late 1990s. Since then Bridges has attempted to make a triumphant return to acting. Unfortunately for Bridges, the best roles he has been able to obtain are roles portraying himself as a washed-up actor on FOX TV shows. In 2002 he fought fellow washed-up celebrity Vanilla Ice on Celebrity Boxing, and in 2006 he appeared on Skating with Celebrities.

For all of the many reasons set forth above, Todd Bridges is one washed-up celebrity!