Saturday, January 06, 2007

Dustin Diamond – The Early Years

Dustin Diamond is the epitome of the term “washed-up celebrity.” He rose from obscurity to become a child star on a the Saturday morning TV high school sitcom, Saved By The Bell, despite a complete lack of good looks, charisma, acting ability, or comedic talent.

Diamond played the character "Screech" on the Good Morning: Miss Bliss, Saved By The Bell, Saved By The Bell: The College Years, and Saved By The Bell: the New Class, becoming more of a caricature and joke with each passing season. One would think that Diamond would be proud of all he accomplished as a child actor and would now be living the high life off all of the money he made on the various Saved By The Bell shows. Shockingly, that is not the case, as Diamond has managed to piss all of his money away and become nothing more than a pathetic joke to the millions of people who grew up watching Saved By The Bell.

This entry is a long one, as Diamond has done many, many things worthy of derision during his train-wreck of a career. So I have broken it into two posts. This first post covers Diamond’s life up through 2000, when Saved By The Bell: the New Class went off the air.


I. The Good Morning: Miss Bliss Years (1987-1989)

Diamond was originally cast as Screech on Good Morning: Miss Bliss, a show that ran on the Disney Channel from 1987-1989. Screech was an annoying and dorky kid in an Indianapolis, Indiana junior high school who was somehow friends with Zack Morris, his much more popular classmate. Although Screech would occasionally do dumb things during on the show, he was a normal, albeit weird, kid and he was practically a genius in the classroom, always doing well in his classes. His nickname “Screech” was given to him because he had a tendency to speak in a high-pitched voice that was supposed to be funny (even though it wasn’t).














II. The Saved By The Bell Years (1989-1993)


Good Morning: Miss Bliss was cancelled in 1989 and was repackaged as Saved By The Bell, a Saturday morning high school comedy/drama. The show’s location was moved from Indianapolis to Los Angeles, California, and several new characters were added, including A.C. Slater, a jock with a permed mullet (played by Mario Lopez), Kelly Kapowski (the head cheerleader), and Jessie Spano (the studious and annoying girlfriend of Slater and a champion of left-wing causes). Screech was friends with all of the main characters of Saved By The Bell, and Zack Morris continued to be his best friend. However, the writers were running out of ideas for the Screech character, so they turned him into a comic foil for the other characters. However, the writing was not very good - instead of actually providing laughs, Screech became a character that served to do nothing more than annoy the other characters and do dumb things.














Although he did do dumb things, he somehow managed to invent and build a robot whom he called “Kevin.” Kevin was one of Screech’s best friends and they actually competed together in a talent contest as magicians, as shown below. Unfortunately, Kevin was killed off after a few episodes.

Although Screech was an annoying turd, the cool kids at Bayside were friends with him. Screech also dressed like a complete idiot, wearing colorful and fruity Zubaz pants to class. Screech would occasionally get picked on, but eventually got his act together enough to get a girlfriend, Violet, who was one of the school nerds. Screech graduated at the top of his class and had a good relationship with the Bayside principal, Mr. Belding.

III. The Saved By The Bell: The College Years (1993-1994)

Screech attended California University with Zack, Slater, and Kelly on Saved By The Bell: The College Years. This was an awkward time, as Screech was going through puberty and was becoming uglier and more annoying every day. Screech continued to use his high-pitched “Screech” voice even though his voice was becoming deeper. The College Years was cancelled after a year due to low ratings.














IV. The Saved By The Bell: The New Class Years (1994-2000)


Saved By The Bell: The New Class was created to chronicle the students at Bayside after Screech, Zack, and Slater graduated in 1993. The first season did not do well, and producers decided that drastic changes were necessary. To save the show, the producers brought back Screech. Screech’s role on the New Class was as Mr. Belding’s assistant through some kind of college internship.

At the beginning of the New Class, Screech was the same annoying character he was on the College Years and near the end of the original Saved By The Bell show. The writers decided to mix things up a bit, so they gave Screech the catch-phrase “Zoinks” that Screech would often yell out whenever he screwed something up.

Unfortunately, the writers quickly ran out of ideas for the New Class. To keep the show interesting, Screech and Mr. Belding became close friends over time. I’m not sure whether it was intentional, but it certainly seemed as though Screech and Mr. Belding eventually became gay lovers. If you don’t believe me, take a look at these photos of Screech and Belding from several New Class episodes. Why else would Screech oil up Belding at a country club or ride a tandem bike with him unless they were lovers?



Screech also grew a huge Jewish afro (a.k.a., a “Jew-fro”) during several of the seasons. It’s unclear as to whether the Jew-fro was supposed to be funny, but I know that I certainly thought it was. Seriously, look at Screech in the photos below. Does he look like an idiot or what?















Dustin Diamond kept reprising the Screech role until Saved By The Bell: The New Class was finally cancelled in 2000. After the show ended, Dustin Diamond’s career quickly spiraled downward in a spectacular collapse, as is discussed in the next post, Dustin Diamond (2000 - present).

*See also Dustin Diamond (2007 Celebrity Fit Club Appearance) and Dustin Diamond - (2008 Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp Appearance)

30 comments:

Angry Fan said...

Screech is not homosexual!

Screeches Butt PLug said...

Help me guys, Screech shoves me in his dirty asshole after homeless guys ahve shot their load inside it. He's also known to shove beef and cheddars inside. The smell is the worst. He also likes to jerk off his little cock once he gets me inside him than when he cums, he pulls me out, licks and sucks the shit off me than lubes me up with his cum for another round in his asshole. Please send help. He keeps me in his sock drawer in his Port Washington home.

Anonymous said...

Screech is pretty fucking pathetic and desperate.

http://gallerygalore.zattevrienden.be/flash.php?file=Screeched

Greasy Mulleted Mexican said...

didn't Dustin used to operate a glory hole in Port Washington? I once went into a bathroom and there was a picture of him on the wall, jewfro and all, and a hole cut out in the mouth. I shoved my large member in and heard "zoinks that's bigger than Beldings" and he proceded to milk my cock dry.

Jim Duecer said...

I want to shit in Dustins mouth

Dog the Bounty Hunter said...

Hey brah, I want you to pretend I'm Slater. I won't dye my hair, but I do own a wrestling singlet I'll wear brah. I want to pound your ass with my huge Dog cock. I'll bend you over brah, and make you howl like I do to Beth. Than she's going to come in and shove one of her huge tits in your face. You know those things smell worse than your taint, brah. Praise the Lord brah. I've got a lot of things I plan to do to you brah.

Michael Oliverius said...

I once spit-roasted Screech on the SBTB set with Mr. Belding. Belding started pounding his ass and he kept screaming "ZOINKS! ZOINKS! ZOINKS!!!" until I put my meat in his mouth. After we'd both finished inside him, I felched Belding's bloodied sperm out of Screech's ass while Belding pulled down his pants and dropped a duke in his gay-ass 'fro. It was pretty rockin'.

THE REAL angry fan said...

Quit trying to a poser "angry fan". Schreech is a flaming homo and I want his HOT ASS!!!!!

THE REAL angry fan said...

Screech is a flaming faggot and I want to ream his HOT ASS!!!!!

Anonymous said...

This is an awesome blog.
You should do an entry about Jaimee Foxworth - you know Judy from "Family Matters" who got fired to make room for Steve Urkel. Her family took her money, she was hard up, and done pornography under the name "Crave."

jewvebeenframed said...

One time I was in San Francisco when who did I bump into? None other than Screech herself. She was surrounded by a group of twinks. Suddenly our eyes met. I could tell that Screech was longing for me. I gave him the signal to meet me around by the dumpsters. He couldn't get there fast enough. Within minutes his face was slapping against the hard dirty metal of the dumpster. My 12" cock was deep within him. He moaned like an angel with I tore his arsehole open like a devil. I blasted my load in his ass then donkey punched him for good measures before disappearing into the night.

Anonymous said...

This mother fucker has fucked so many men that his nickname is urinal. He has had so much cock shoved into his ass i am suprised he doesnt have to use a colostomy bag to shit. I once saw his fucking a black dude up the ass while moaning and sweaty like a greasy cunt. He jerks off to Mario Lopez pics and then fucks midgits at night for money in the underground porn industry. Filthy bitch makes my ass twitch.

Anonymous said...

Dustin 'Dickhead Limp-dick' Diamond has the be THE most irritating, ugly wanker on the face of this planet.

He needs to disappear fast into the toilet bowl where he belongs.

Ugly Cocksucker!

biggest queer packers fan ever on the face of the earth!!!!!!!!1111111 said...

dustin isn't funny and is fuckin retarded for trying to get people to forget he was screech THATS ALL HE HAS

wisconsin is also for fags thats why he lives there.

J said...

All these comments are HILAROUS!

Anonymous said...

i work at a bar in kcmo, and he used to go there all the time when he was in town doing stand up. he is now banned because he was caught blowing lines off the back of the toilet.

Anonymous said...

well dont know about ya'll but i do luv the nerd type and he always made me laugh in the show.

Anonymous said...

About ten years ago I saw Screetch at a resort in Hawaii. It was funny because he was getting heckled by drunk high school kids as he walked by the pool, the lobby and in the restaurants.

pEyToN wEsT said...

HOW CAN YOU LIVE WITH YOUR SELF I HONESTLY WANT YOU TO GO TO HELL!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

And now on to the Jesse McCartney sex tape. "Leavin"(Music Video). Hey at least he's hot, unlike this gay dude who seems to think he's above the law. I will not be intimidated by any lawsuit from him whatsoever.

Anonymous said...

Movie Fan-
I love your blog. It's hilarious, and you have definitely taken the most washed up celebrities and put them on your site. For that, I commend you. That being said, I can think of about 10 or 15 celebrities who have earned their rightful place on your blog, like Dave Coulier, Bob Saget, most of the celebs on The Surreal Life and CFC to name a few. Not to mention, a new show came out tonight on VH1 called Confessions of a Teen Idol. It has seven has beens that are trying to relive their glory. I don't see how one can possibly get more washed up than that. Just a suggestion.
Keep up the great work.

Anonymous said...

DD is a fag

Anonymous said...

Dustin is not gay !. everyone just likes making dumb ass rumors saying he is when he really isn't. how do they know if he's gay or not. they don't exactly so shut your damn cock filled mouths.

Analonymous said...

"Dog The Bounty Hunter's" post is one of the funniest things I've ever read. Keep 'em coming you sick fucks.

Anonymous said...

This is one of the most disgusting yet hilarious blogs about a washed up celebrity.

Anonymous said...

I ran into him at a bar in kansas city and he had a cordless drill putting a hole in the mens bathroom stall I left and ten dudes walked in after I left I think they got zoinkes

Anonymous said...

I met DD at a low rent whorehouse in Tiujana. We it it off well, or so I thought. He wound up crapping in my bed, steaing ten dollars from my wallet, and possibly giving me herpes.

Anonymous said...

Forgive my ignorance, but you dudes who post seem really, really into anal humour, is that because: a.) it's generally assumed flamboyant and theatrical male child actors are inevitably headed for flaming queerdom hence the sodomy jokes or b.) because you are revelling in the much heralded jewish transgressive humour that finds scatology the source of much mirth?

Terry McGee said...

According to Dustin Diamond's mom, Dustin was trying to join the local area Crips. In order to join he had to stab someone with a toy knife. That was only part of his initiation. The other part of his initiation was that he had to blow every member of the local Crip gang. Sounds awesome!

Anonymous said...

I guess childhood fame warps a kid's perception, and I get the impression he was kinda retarded congenitally, anyway. He just has no fucking clue what an ugly, talentless twat he is. The dumb prick. Fuck, he's one useless, pathetic, freaky-looking POS.