Sunday, December 17, 2006

Jerry Mathers

Jerry Mathers is the granddaddy of all washed-up celebrities. For all intents and purposes, he was the "Dustin Diamond" of the 1950s, reaching the pinnacle of his life before he even hit age 15 when he starred as Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver on the hit TV show "Leave It To Beaver" from 1957-1963. Here are some early pictures of a young Mathers:

America loved the inquisitive young tyke on Leave It To Beaver. He was a cute and wholesome young boy growing up in a time of innocence. The sit-com followed the young Beaver as he experienced his adolescent years at school, the candy shop, and throughout his neighborhood.

Puberty, however, was extremely harsh to Mathers, as it gave him a good ass-kicking from which he never recovered. Mathers morphed from a cute wholesome kid into an ugly little troll as is painfully obvious in the pictures below:

Rather than accept his fate in life and attempt to move on to bigger and better things, Mathers has attempted to stay in the limelight long after his time has passed. He occasionally shows up in self-parody roles. I remember seeing him playing a washed-up loser (i.e., himself) on an episode of Married With Children in the early 1990s. He also maintains a website where he refers to himself as "An Entertainment Legend and American Icon" even though his only acting of any significance ended 43 years ago when he was a mere 15 years old. He also still makes guest appearances in an unsuccessful attempt to make him seem important and worthy of respect. All of this makes Mathers one washed-up celebrity!

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Jeremy Miller

Jeremy Miller was a child actor playing the role of “Ben Seaver” on the hit TV show “Growing Pains” between 1985 and 1992. He was the youngest child in the fictional Seaver family and chosen because the show's producers though he was a cute kid:

Apparently the producers weren't the only one who thought that Miller was a cute kid. An older male stalker took notice of Miller on Growing Pains and sent him numerous letters. The stalker threatened to molest and kill Miller in his letters and even listed the date he planned to come to the set to carry out the fantasy. In one of the letters, the stalker was bold enough to actually write down his home address. Luckily, the FBI arrested the individual shortly thereafter near the Philadelphia area. The stalker was later convicted and sent to prison for his actions.

One of Miller's best friends while growing up was fellow washed up former child star Dustin Diamond. As with many child stars, Miller went through an awkward time while he experienced puberty. His voice changed, he grew much taller, and also outgrew his character on Growing Pains. During this time Miller grew a long mullet and sported huge glasses on the show, turning off many of Growing Pains' young female fans. Miller's character became so unpopular with Growing Pains fans that the producers brought in Leonardo DiCaprio in a last-ditch effort to maintain the show's female fan base. Here are some pictures of a teenaged Miller:

Although Miller acted somewhat effeminately on Growing Pains, causing many of the show's fans to question his sexuality, Miller is supposedly now engaged to a woman. Miller also really let himself go over the last few years - he has gained a substantial amount of weight and is currently working on a second chin and carries a "spare tire" around his waist as shown in the pictures below:

Ever since Growing Pains went off the air in 1992 Miller has struggled to find work. He has not had roles of any significance other than 2000 and 2004 Growing Pains TV reunion movies. He supposedly wants to be a chef but is having trouble breaking into the culinary arts. According to Former Child Star Central, Miller was spotting in 2005 working as a shift manager at a fast food restaurant in California and mentioned that he still wants to be a chef. He was also seen driving a Dodge Omni. All of this makes him one washed up celebrity!

*** Update *** - January 22, 2007
Jeremy Miller appeared in a McDonald's commercial a couple weeks after this post was originally written, solidifying his status as a washed-up actor.

*** Update *** - October 25, 2009
Someone sent me this picture of Miller and his fiance. It appears as though Miller has lost much of his excess body fat that he had accumulated during the slow years after Growing Pains was canceled.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Taran Noah Smith

Taran Noah Smith was a child actor playing the role of “Mark Taylor” on “Home Improvement” between 1991 and 1999. Home Improvement fans often couldn’t remember his real name, and instead affectionately referred to him as “the ugly kid on Home Improvement.”

He was only 7 years old when Home Improvement started. He looked a little bit dorky in his first years on the show but appeared to be normal on the surface. Here’s a picture of Taran in his youth:

Puberty, unfortunately, was not kind to Taran, as he started breaking out in acne and quickly grew tall and lanky to the point at which he was several inches taller than Jonathan Taylor Thomas, who played his older brother on the show. By the time Home Improvement finally went off the air in 1999, Smith was a really goofy-looking teenager. He also seemed to look more and more gay with each successive season of the show. Here are some pictures of Smith partying with several guys who appear to be flaming gay (I can only speculate as to what kind of hijinx were going on at their party):

In 2001, at age 17, he married Heidi Van Pelt, a 33-year-old woman (they are shown together in the first picture below). He also sued his parents for control of a $1.5 million trust fund created with his Home Improvement earnings that his parents were pilfering. It’s unclear as to whether Smith married Van Pelt to get away from his parents, cover up the fact that he’s gay, or whether he indeed feel in love with her. One thing that is certain, however, is that Smith is a grease-ball who hasn’t washed his face or hair since about 1989, as one can clearly in the second picture below which was taken in September 2005. Smith is dressed as though he’s going to a costume party – someone should tell him that he should wait until Halloween before dressing up as a freak and going out in public. All of this makes him one washed-up celebrity!

Update - July 17, 2007

Taran Noah Smith has become far more washed up than anyone could have ever predicted. It certainly seems as though Van Pelt was only after Smith's money, as his parents had initially warned him about. He and Van Pelt divorced on February 2, 2007 and he recently lost his house to foreclosure. It
was reported that he and/or Van Pelt completely trashed his 4 bedroom/4 bath house located in the Los Angeles suburb of Sherman Oaks. Apparently the entire house reeks of the smell of "shit" and "piss," holes have been punched in the walls, and odd messages are spray painted all of the inside of the house. A real estate tear-sheet for teh house reads "Absolutely the worst house in a prime location," and the house is now on the market for a mere $1.149 million.

Smith's lawyer blamed the damage on his ex-wife, saying "You can thank his golddigging ex-wife for the debacle he's in."

Update - August 10, 2007

Smith was recently interviewed by the National Enquirer about his recent divorce. Smith said, "I guess I'm living proof that love is blind. I've lost my house, and now I'm fighting to stop my wife from taking my livelihood away from me. I'm done with older women."

Smith also mentioned that the reason he recently left his wife was because she announced she preferred girls to guys. He said the couple agreed to have an open marriage, yet when Taran found a steady girlfriend, his angry wife smashed every dish they owned.

Smith also said that "friends" were the ones who trashed his home in Sherman Oaks. Meanwhile, Taran has apologized to his parents. "I had to go back to them and say: 'I'm sorry. You were right about Heidi.'"

Update - February 1, 2012

Taran Noah Smith was arrested at around 1:00 A.M. on February 1, 2012 in Los Angeles County for a DUI and alleged possesion of marijuana. Smith was reportedly parked at an odd angle next to a fire hydrant in his 1998 Honda when a police officer decided to investigate and was overcome by the smell of marijuana emanating from Smith's car. It is unclear whether Smith was alone in his car at the time or whether any of his creepy party buddies shown in the pictures above were with him at the time.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Pauly Shore

Pauly Shore is a stand-up comedian and actor who rose to stardom in the mid-1990s overcoming his troll-like looks and incredibly unfunny persona. He started out on the MTV show “Totally Pauly.” “Totally Pauly” ran for 4 years and then Shore segued into movies, starring in a minor box-office hit “Encino Man” in 1992. Shore followed up with roles in movies that are generally viewed as being some of the worst movies produced during the 1990s, including “Son in Law,” “Jury Duty,” and “Bio-Dome,” playing an androgynous fruitcake in each.

When the American public finally realized his lack of comedic talent, Shore's movie roles dried up. In an effort to regain the spotlight, Shore appears to have gotten a hair transplant (or hair plugs) as show in the picture below.

Shore recently realized that desperate times call for desperate measures and needed a way to force his way into the public eye. So he decided it would be funny to stage a beating at one of his standup shows. Look at the Youtube video below. It looks real, doesn’t it? I was also convinced until I read this article that it was nothing more than a setup by a comic whose time has long-since slipped away. All of this makes him one washed-up celebrity!

*** Update - November 9, 2007 *** recently added some new pictures of Pauly Shore hanging out at the beach. I'm amazed at how fat and out-of-shape Pauly Shore has become: