Episode V - May 20, 2007
The fifth episode of Celebrity Fit Club began with a dance marathon at a dance studio. Each team was broken up into two pairs of dancers, and the last pair dancing at the end of the competition was to win, and a contribution was to be made to a charity designated by the winning team.
Diamond was paired with Tiffany. About 90 minutes into the competition, Diamond stopped briefly to drink some water and Ant told him that he stopped dancing and was out of the competition. Diamond whined to Ant that he was still moving and therefore hadn’t stopped dancing. Diamond had a little tantrum and was being such a little bitch that the entire dancing competition was ended prematurely because of the scene Diamond caused. During his little blow-up Diamond threatened Ant to a physical competition.
The producers were forced to select a winner based on dancing ability because Diamond had ruined the competition. Cledus Judd and Kimberley Locke were chosen as the winning pair in the dancing competition.
Next, the contestants all had their weigh-ins. Before Diamond was weighed in, a brief video taken before the weigh-in was shown. Apparently Maureen McCormick saw Diamond eating a doughnut and was pissed about it because she thought Diamond wasn’t taking the show seriously. Diamond was then shown saying:
I can’t stand all these fucking people…Fuck ‘em in the ass with a colonic!
Diamond was then weighed in and turned in his most pathetic performance to date, gaining 5lbs of fat from the previous weigh in. When asked to explain his failure, Diamond offered an array of excuses, complaining that he had been traveling and meeting producers at the Sundance film festival who had been buying him nice dinners.
Next, a clip was shown of Diamond at a porn convention where Diamond was advertising his Screeched porn video. In the clip, Diamond fake wife Jennifer was shown bringing Diamond a huge cheeseburger to eat. Diamond also claimed that he was going to sell a dildo of his penis. He said:
When you have four feet of Screech in your pants people say ‘why don’t you mold it and sell it.’ … I might give one to Kimberley Locke. She needs one.
Everyone was shocked when this clip was played and Kimberley started crying as a result of Diamond’s crude comments. Diamond then said to Stacey Kaiser, the Celebrity Fit Club psychotherapist, “I would give you one though, Stacey. I would give you one of my products.”
Diamond became very upset when Stacey pointed out that Diamond’s earlier comments about being victimized by someone selling the porn tape didn’t jive with his appearance at the porn convention where he was advertising the tape. Diamond maintained his bullshit story that he had nothing to do with the tape’s distribution and that the tape was recorded 4 years earlier.
Ant subsequently chimed in that Diamond’s story was illogical and that he was either a “porn star” or at least a “porn peddler.”
Diamond was visibly irritated and replied “[n]ow I’m arguing with a short guy?” Apparently that was supposed to be a funny joke and Diamond thought he really “zinged” Ant with that insult. Diamond also said "[w]hen retarded people fall, it's funny, it's f'ing hilarious!"
Finally, Diamond had the following exchange with the trainer, Harvey, which escalated to the point at which Harvey had to be restrained from giving Diamond a substantial beating:
Diamond – “I challenged [Ant] to physical combat … for his bullshit call [in the dance competition.]”
Harvey – “No, you’re fucking not gonna touch Ant, alright?”
Diamond – “If he agrees to combat … if you agreed to combat I’d fight you, [Harvey.]”
Harvey – “And I’d wear your fucking ass out.”
Diamond – “Would you?”
Harvey (incredulous) – “You want to go toe-to-toe with me?”
Diamond – “Would you?”
Harvey (screaming) – “How are you gonna go from fuckin’ Ant to me? You must be out of your fucking fatass South Park cartoon mind! I’d wear your fucking ass out! You must be out of your stupid ass mind! Your fucking target weight loss for the next God damn weigh-in is 3 pounds! Get your fat ass out of here! 3 pounds! Get the fuck out of here man! … You are full of shit! … I will beat your ass! ... Don’t you ever threaten me!!! … Don’t you ever in your fucking life ever fucking threaten me, bitch! ‘Cause I will wear your fucking ass out! Take that to your porn convention! … Who the fuck does he think he is?!!”
During the final exchange with Harvey, Diamond refused to leave the scale and was being an annoying little bitch. Eventually Diamond left the weigh-in room.
During the playing of the Diamond videos and Diamond’s exchange with Harvey, 6 of the other 7 contestants (everyone except Ross the Intern) all walked off the set because they were so upset with Diamond. They were shown in a dressing room and Kimberley Locke made a call to someone crying and saying how much she didn’t like Diamond and how Diamond wanted to give her a dildo. Da Brat was shown telling everyone how annoying Diamond is.
The episode eventually ended and a preview was shown of next week’s episode. It appears as though Diamond manages to piss off more people in the next episode! I can’t wait!
***Be sure to check out my other Dustin Diamond entries:
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club Episode I
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club Episode II
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club Episode III
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club Episode IV
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club Episode VI
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club Episode VII
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club Episode VIII
Dustin Diamond - The Early Years
Dustin Diamond - (2000 - Present)
Dustin Diamond - (2008 Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp Appearance)