Saturday, March 29, 2008

Dustin Diamond (2008 Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp Appearance - Episode II)

Episode II - March 20, 2008

The second episode of Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp began with the show's contestants riding on a bus at 6:50 AM out to the boot camp designed by drill instructor Harvey Walden. In the opening scene, this season's contestants expressed their fears about what was going to transpire as the day unfolded.

Dustin Diamond, the primary focus of this episode recap, was apparently incredibly frightened and mentioned during the bus ride, "I'm probably gonna need my hand held throughout the whole thing." Diamond apparently wishes he had a father figure on the show to protect him from any type of physical exertion, much like his good buddy Dennis Haskins probably used to do on the Saved By The Bell set.

Next, all of the contestants lined up according to their respective teams and were instructed to each deliberate in one of the boot camp trailers and vote for a team captain. Diamond's team was nonchalant about the process - nobody wanted to be the team captain. Eventually Tina Yothers and Willie Aames threw their support behind Diamond, apparently hoping that they would be able to nudge Diamond into giving a better effort than he did during his debacle on the 2007 season of Celebrity Fit Club.

About the team's decision to vote Diamond as captain, Willie Aames said, "I'm a little nervous about Dustin being captain of the team. I saw the footage last year. I was in shock [at Dustin's performance]."

Tina Yothers said, "For me, it was to keep him accountable. For not only all of us, but mainly for himself."

Diamond was elated about being voted team captain, presumably because he must have thought that he had earned his teammates' respect. In an interview, Diamond discussed being captain and began laying the groundwork for a future failure on the show by stating,

"Here's a chance for me to get out there and show ... you know, kind of like the underdog. You were pissed on last time and here's a chance for you to come back and show your own. ... I'll do what is required. But guess what, we're not fucking Marines."

Next, both teams reconvened outside and lined up for Harvey. Harvey asked each team who had been voted captain. When Diamond's team said that he was their captain, Harvey was in total shock. Harvey exclaimed, "[You nominated] his freaking Nazi ass??? You gotta be fucking kidding me. You all are pulling my leg right now."

Next, the contestants were taken to pugil stick battle where one member from each team battled one member from the other team with a pugil stick which standing on a balance beam. Diamond's team (the red) team battled against Brian Dunkleman's team (the blue team). Each team had two men and two women and each team member battles against one team member of the same sex on the opposing team. Diamond was teamed against A.J. Benza and was quickly defeated. Benza knocked Diamond off the balance beam in short order before accidentally falling off the beam himself. Diamond looked completely hapless during the competition and failed to hit A.J. even one time with his pugil stick.

After each team member had battled once, the score was even, 2-2, thereby forcing a tiebreaking match. The blue team chose Dunkelman. Shockingly, under Diamond's leadership, his red team chose Toccara Jones, a woman, to battle in the tiebreaking match.

Regarding the decision to battle, Toccara said, "We had to choose someone to break a tie, and I had just seen Dustin and Will [Aames] fight and they both got their butts kicked. So ok, I can do as good as you can at this point."

Diamond all but admitted that he has less masculinity than his character Screech from saved By The Bell. Regarding the decision to let Toccara battle, Diamond stated, "She's a strong girl and I think I'm the weakest of the red team."

In the tiebreaking match, Toccara was quickly defeated by Dunkelman. After the match, Harvey and A.J. gave Diamond crap for choosing Toccara instead of fighting the battle himself.

After the battle, the red team had to select the weakest link on their team to perform a chore for Harvey. Willie Aames was selected as the weakest link for the second straight episode, and was required to fill a bunch of empty sand bags up with sand and move them to a certain location. The rest of the members of the red team decided to stay and help Willie Aames complete this task.

In the next scene, both teams were shown eating dinner in a mess hall at the boot camp. After the dinner, Harvey instructed both team captains to create a personal training (PT) workout and then perform the workout. Brian Dunkelman quickly created a PT workout by essentially copying one of the workouts that Harvey had previously had them perform. Diamond, on the other hand, took his sweet time reading an exercise book for at least 20 minutes while the blue team performed Dunkelman's workout, causing Harvey to fly into a rage at Diamond's tardiness. Harvey yelled, "Dustin, get your ass out here!"

Harvey then made Diamond do some push-ups outside in the dirt. It appeared as though Diamond was incapable of performing even a single push-up without resting his knees on the ground. Harvey screamed,

"It wasn't an option for your team to work out! Dustin, you're shortchanging them by having a lack of fucking urgency to get the mission accomplished! You can't do it on your terms, Dustin ... it's not your game anymore!"

Diamond's red team was later shown performing the PT workout that Diamond had belatedly created. During the workout Diamond started lagging behind the rest of his teammates as a result of his weak and out-of-shape chunky body. Diamond tried to motivate his teammates, saying "Keep it going guys. Don't let my weakness be a sign of weakness for you guys." Immediately after finishing the workout, Diamond puked on the ground.

The next day, the team members from each team had to walk 2.4 miles up a gradual incline of a mountain while carrying the bags of sand that the red team had filled the previous day. Diamond looked to be incredibly winded during the hike, infuriating his teammate Toccara. In an interview after the event, Toccara said,

"Dustin was having issues with his legs, his arms ... I don't know. But I wanted him to man up and say I'm gonna do this. See, I'm a fighter and I'll get kicked off of Celebrity Fit Club because I will hit him."

After the teams reached the end of the hike, Harvey informed everyone that they were going to run back down the mountain to the boot camp. Erin Moran was having medical issues at this point, presumably because she actually did hurt herself during a pugil match with the much larger Toccara during the previous day's competition. When Diamond learned that Erin Moran was going to sit out the run, Diamond saw his opening to also sit out the run. Diamond started to pretend that his quadriceps muscle was injured and claimed that he was unable to run. Diamond said,

"The job is to run. Now if the only way to get Harvey off your back is to have an injured muscle, then I need to sit this one out. Put me out coach its ... it hurts. My quad is tore up. I'm gonna push hard for you, but I'm not gonna permanently injure myself. Maybe I should get it checked out by the medic."

The Celebrity Fit Club medic did examine Diamond's quadriceps, but was unable to determine whether he was actually injured and agreed that it might be a good idea to let Diamond sit out the run. Harvey was not pleased with Diamond's wimpy excuse, saying "Typical Dustin. I'm not surprised."

After Diamond's whining, Tina Yother's said that Diamond need to "man up" and Willie Aames said that Diamond's excuse was a bunch of "b.s." Diamond didn't seem to care that he let down his teammates, saying "I don't think I need to kill myself to get in shape."

Finally, the various contestants reconvened after the run for the second episode's weigh-in. The final weigh-in included quite a bit of drama, as Toccara exploded when told that she needed to lose more weight. Diamond's weigh-in, on the other hand, was relatively tame. Diamond weighed in at 209 lbs, a loss of 8 lbs from the first weigh-in. Harvey gave Diamond crap for the decision to let Toccara fight Dunkelman in the pugil match. Diamond replied that his decision was the correct one and again referred to himself as the weakest link on his own team.

***Be sure to check out my other Dustin Diamond entries:
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp - Episode I
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp - Episode III
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp - Episode IV
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp - Episode V
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp - Episode VI
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp - Episode VII
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp - Episode VIII

Dustin Diamond - (2007 Celebrity Fit Club Appearance)
Dustin Diamond - The Early Years
Dustin Diamond (2000-Present)


Anonymous said...

IT would have been awesome if AJ, after easily defeating Screech, forced his pugil stick right up Screech's asshole and then forced a shit in his face!

Anonymous said...

What's with the beard? It's not a good look for Dustin - he looks like a 'bear' from some 1980s AIDS-ridden San Francisco bathhouse. Besides, they give you terrible stubble rash.

Anonymous said...

I saw the preview for the next new episode and it is a MUST SEE! Dustin gets called a Nazi and he calls his lawyer to get an injunction to get Celeb Fit Club closed down. What a DOUCHENOZZLE!

Anonymous said...

it's 6am and I'm laughing so hard at these comments!