Saturday, April 26, 2008

Dustin Diamond (2008 Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp Appearance - Episode VI)

Episode VI - April 13, 2008

The sixth episode of Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp began with all of the contestants riding on a bus to the boot camp. The contestants were not looking forward to the day's activities, as the weather was cold and rainy. After arriving at the boot camp, the contestants lined up, as usual. Drill instructor Harvey Walden decided to mix things up by shaking up the teams. Dustin Diamond and Tina Yothers were moved to the blue team and A.J. Benza and Erin Moran were moved to the red team.

Tocarra Jones was upset about the shake-up, as her red team had been substantially ahead of the blue team in terms of overall weight loss. The blue team was also nervous about receiving Diamond, who had come to be viewed as a pain in the ass. About receiving Diamond, Sommore said, "I was really nervous. I knew Dustin was going to be a little bit irritable." Brian Dunkelman was also peeved, saying, "I was disappointed we got Dustin. My first thought was, 'oh shit,' because he kind of pissed me off last week [when he was drunk after playing pool and shot his mouth off]."

The challenge of the day required each team to move military supplies, such as tires, metal barrels, and wooden boxes, from one side of a valley onto a military truck on the other side. The team moving the heaviest amount of military supplies within an hour would win the challenge.

Diamond's new blue team started out strong, working together as a team and quickly captured a large lead. The red team, on the other hand, was very disorganized. A.J. Benza was throwing military supplies around like a lunatic, rolling heavy metal barrels down the valley without regard to the safety of the people standing near the bottom. At 20 minutes into the challenge, Diamond's blue team was comfortably ahead, having moved 940 lbs versus 570 lbs for the red team.

At one point, the blue team's lead seemed insurmountable. However, Diamond's out of shape and lazy ass quickly began loafing around. Diamond started whining that the competition was too hard, saying, "I can't breathe." Brian Dunkelman tried to motivate Diamond, saying, "Let's go." Diamond's reply was simply, "That still doesn't change the physical aspect of my lung capacity."

Brian Dunkelman was upset with Diamond's pathetic display, saying:

"Dustin was afraid he was gonna pass out. I don't know if Dustin does the best that he can. There's no way to really know that. If the fact that he's being outperformed by a woman who just had a baby 2 1/2 months ago isn't motivation enough, what the hell am I gonna do?"

Sommore was annoyed with Diamond's loafing, saying to Dunkelman, "Please motivate Dustin."

Yothers was also ticked off at Diamond's laziness. She said, "The challenge took everything out of me, but we were doing really well. We really had momentum. We were communicating. We were smoking the red team and then Dustin started falling apart."

About his pathetic performance, Diamond said, "I didn't forget that we were in a fucking race. I just got tired and need to stop and take a breath. I got winded. You know, I was dizzy ... but I never quit."

With 15 minutes remaining in the competition, Diamond's blue team was still in the lead, but the gap had narrowed substantially. The blue team was slightly ahead, having moved 3310 lbs versus 3005 lbs for the red team. At this point, Diamond sat down to rest like a total wuss while his teammates continued to move supplies as quickly as they could. Diamond was clearly dead weight on his team and was quickly destroying their previous lead.

By the time the challenge ended, the red team caught up to the blue team and actually won the competition. Diamond's team looked exhausted and was undoubtedly upset at Diamond for his crappy performance.

After the winning team was announced, Ant asked the blue team members to select the "Dead Weight" for the week. Diamond apparently assumed that he would help out Tina if she were voted as the Dead Weight and that his team members would help him if he was voted as the Dead Weight. Diamond voted for Tina, saying, "I [voted for] Tina 'cause I figure whether she does or not, I'll be with her."

Diamond was surprised and upset when everyone rightfully voted him as the Dead Weight. About the vote, an unhappy Diamond blamed the challenge loss on his teammates who, unlike him, hadn't sat down to rest during the challenge. Diamond said,

"You know what hurts me a bit is that in the beginning it was like, 'Well everyone tried their best, we don't think there was a dead weight.' Now it's, 'Oh Dustin was the dead weight.' But here's what's funny - even though I was dragging a little bit, I wasn't dragging so much to hold anyone back."

As Dead Weight, Diamond was ordered to wash down and scrub the boot camp's bus with cleaning products even though it was raining at this time. Diamond's was unhappy with his assigned task and the fact that his teammates didn't help him, saying, "Washing the bus - that was bullshit. It was pouring rain. Why do you want me to wash a bus while it's pouring rain?"

Diamond also vented in a subsequent interview, saying,

"I get my team through things. I encourage them. I, you know, I help them through it. I help them when they're down ... but you know what, none of the other cast members seem to want to really help me, the D-man. At some point, I will say, 'Fuck it.' Team will get pissed and well, you know what? Welcome to Hollywood - disappointment abounds."

After Diamond finally finished washing the bus, everyone changed and drove in the bus to a local bar where there was an open-mic night. Erin Moran got really drunk and started dancing like a stripper in front of everyone, to the surprise of her cast-mates.

Tina Yothers later got up on the stage and sang a song, to the delight of the other cast members, who seemed to be genuinely impressed by her vocal abilities. Next, Erin Moran went on the stage and swung a hula hoop around her waist, re-enacting a scene from Happy Days, her claim to fame. Tocarra then got up and upstaged Erin Moran by swinging four hula hoops around her waist. Erin Moran was jealous and upset with Tocarra for upstaging her, as became evident on the bus ride back to the boot camp.

Erin was being really loud and obnoxious on the bus ride, saying that she hated the show and slapping her butt. She claimed to know lines from "The Vagina Monologues" and then said she could recite the lines. Erin subsequently pretended to have an orgasm on the bus, to the annoyance of her teammates. It was really creepy. Dunkelman got a disgusted look on his face and A.J. Benza pretended to hide behind a seat. Tina Yothers chimed in, saying, "I threw up a little bit in my mouth."

When the bus arrived back at the camp, Erin was emotional and wandered off into the woods, saying she hated the show. The other cast members were concerned because it was nighttime and raining and went looking for her. Diamond was shown carrying a flashlight while looking for her. Diamond looked like a complete moron and appeared to be looking for her under rocks and in puddles while holding his flashlight.

Erin eventually made it back to her barracks and said that she had gone into the woods to make a phone call. Diamond eventually found her in the women's barracks and wanted to make sure she was ok. Diamond looked funny as he stood in her barracks - his Jew-fro had soaked up a lot of rain and looked shiny.

Finally, everyone went to bed to prepare for the next day's events. Harvey woke up the contestants the next morning for a workout with the WWE Divas, i.e., female wrestlers. The workout consisted of everyone jumping on trampolines, doing push-ups, crunches, etc. After just a few minutes of exercise, Diamond started slacking off. One of the hot little Divas had the following conversation with Diamond:

"WWE Diva: Come on, you're lagging Dustin, come on.

Diamond: It's 'cause I'm tired and I drank last night.

WWE Diva: Well, that's not our fault.

Diamond: I need to fucking breathe, man."

When questioned by Harvey about his slow performance, Diamond claimed that he couldn't move quickly because the ground was wet and he had almost slipped. One of the WWE Divas was clearly annoyed with Diamond's pathetic display and jokingly said, "Don't make me body slam you, Dustin." Harvey chimed and said in jest, "I'll pay you to do that."

Diamond was really upset with Harvey's joking offer. Diamond whined in a later interview,

"Pay someone to hit me? 'I'll pay you to hit him??' That's a threat of assault. I'm not gonna let myself keep being targeted, 'cause I'm gonna start targeting. People better start watching their asses. I'm calling my manager whose sole purpose is to look out for my safety, well-being, and fair treatment."

After the session with the WWE divas, the contestants returned to their barracks. Once back at his barracks, Diamond complained to Willie Aames about what Harvey had said. Diamond also bragged that he was going to get Harvey fired. Diamond acted like he was a tough guy and called his manager behind Harvey's back to complain.

The weigh-in occurred during the final session of the episode. During the weigh-ins for Tina Yothers and Brian Dunkelman, Diamond's poor performance during the previous day's challenge event was discussed with Harvey. I have no doubt that these discussions annoyed Diamond.

When it was Diamond's turn on the scale, it was revealed that he had not lost any weight since the previous episode - he was stuck at 201 lbs. As Diamond stood on the scale, the following exchange took place between Diamond, Stacey Kaiser, and Harvey:

"Stacey: So I was surprised that when the Divas made a comment this morning,and then when Harvey made a joke, you then filed a complaint. Why not go directly to the source if you have an issue with him?

Diamond: This morning I felt attacked, basically.

Harvey: That is the way I motivate. If you've got a problem with it, why did you come here? Personally, I don't freaking like you, but I'm just as hard on the rest of them when they're not putting out as I am on you. And you know what pisses me off is you've gotta keep back-dooring me and calling all these God-damn knuckleheads all over the freaking world and I gotta hear about it last. If you've got a freaking problem, you come to me. You always half-step. This morning you were God-damn half-stepping again. It took the freaking Divas 20 minutes to figure it out. And as soon as they said something to you, you freaking said, 'Ok, Harvey told you to pick on me.' Where the hell did that freaking come from? what makes you think I'm telling somebody to God-damn ambush you?

Diamond: There's a difference between motivating and federal crime. You can't say certain things.

Harvey: Dustin, kiss my ass with your federal crime bullshit! If you think I'm gonna let you God-damn censor the way I've been doing business for over 20-something years, you can kiss my yellow fit ass. Your target weight loss for the next weight-in is 5 freaking pounds, Dustin. If you don't like it, go freaking home! I was the one that freaking didn't believe in your ass from day one! I gave you a God-damn fair shot and you fucking pissed on it!"

Looking defeated, Diamond walked off the stage and out of the room while Harvey was yelling at him. After he was gone, A.J. Benza celebrated, saying "Hoo-rah!" Willie Aames and A.J. Benza also told Harvey they would defend him if Diamond brought any claims against him.

Once outside, Diamond vented his frustrations. Diamond said, "It's a targeted, willful attack. Oh no, I look foolish for standing up for myself." Diamond also said that Harvey was a dangerous person.

Diamond was also upset that none of the other cast members defended him during his weigh-in or walked outside to comfort him. Diamond said,

"Where are they? I would have come out. People could have said in there, 'that wasn't right, you shouldn't have gotten on him like that.' I don't know if he's bipolar or if he hates Jews that much or if he just has war battle fatigue or whatever you call it. Harvey is dangerous no matter what anyone else says, I don't care. He is bloodlust from war, bloodlust from combat."

**Be sure to check out my other Dustin Diamond entries:
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp - Episode I
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp - Episode II
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp - Episode III
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp - Episode IV
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp - Episode V
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp - Episode VII

Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp - Episode VIII

Dustin Diamond - (2007 Celebrity Fit Club Appearance)
Dustin Diamond - The Early Years
Dustin Diamond (2000-Present)


Anonymous said...

Erin Moran deserves an entry on this website. She is the female version of Dustin Diamond. Both are pathetic and sorry excuses for human beings.

Anonymous said...

Erin, Erin, Erin. Need I say anymore. At least Dustin lost weight this time around & was more mellow. For him to have so many threads on here shows that everyone really cares about him. Oooorah!

Anonymous said...

You missed the best part about Dustin calling his manager: it said on the screen "Dustin's manager is also his girlfriend." The fact that they felt the need to say that made me laugh my ass off.

ITA on an Erin Moran entry. I've been waiting for a Scott Baio one for a while now, but I think that one can wait so one on his former co-star can be written up instead.

Anonymous said...

Erin Moran is in the queue. So are Scott Baio, Shavar Ross (the kid that played Dudley on Diff'rent Strokes), Richard Hatch (from Survivor I), et al.

Anonymous said...

you've got to do an Erin entry! The " I did it for the money" comment sealed the deal.

Anonymous said...

Movie Fan will you recap the last two episodes of Celebrity Fit Club?? Just wondering.

I hope you do the Erin Moran entry soon. If Dustin "Douchebag" Diamond is the King of washed-up celebs, Erin "I loved Chachi in real life" Moran is the Queen.

Your entries had me LOL for quite a while. Keep up the good work :)

Anonymous said...

What is this? It's just wrong. Why would anyone even tune into this crap just to see a train wreck..sad!

Anonymous said...

WTF is wrong with this guy?! Has he forgotten he threatened on camera to stab/kill Dunkelman in a previous episode? What a piss weak whiny hypocritical baby.