Episode V - April 6, 2008
During the fifth episode of Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp, Dustin Diamond, proved to the world that he is the most washed-up former celebrity of his generation and an overall pathetic excuse for a human being. Diamond is so needy and self-centered that I honestly don't know how he could possibly have any friends in real life.
The fifth episode of Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp began much like the way the fourth episode began, with seven of the eight of the show's contestants riding on a bus out to the boot camp designed by drill instructor Harvey Walden. Not surprisingly, the one missing contestant was Dustin Diamond, the focus of this episode recap.
When the bus arrived at the boot camp, everyone noticed that Diamond was already waiting at the line and waving to everyone with a stupid grin on his face. About Diamond, Brian Dunkleman said, "So we drove up and saw Dustin's smiling face and knew it was going to be a long fucking day."
The remaining contestants exited the bus and line up near Diamond. Harvey and Diamond subsequently had the following exchange:
"Harvey: As you see, Dustin's back. Inquiring minds want to know Dustin,what happened?
Diamond: The weather was bad.
Harvey: That's your story?
Harvey: You know, whatever story you have - no worries about it. You know, because as far as I'm concerned you freaking burned your second chance here ... and what really pisses me off more than anything is that you befriended them just like I said you would. You know, they trusted you, they had the confidence in you, they even voted your Nazi ass as team leader! And you let them down.
You could have been here if you really wanted to be here. But you know what, I fired you anyway. Toccara is the new doggone team captain. It's up to the read team whether they give you another chance."
Harvey subsequently asked William Aames, Tina Yothers, and Toccara Jones, Diamond's teammates on the red team, whether they wanted to allow Diamond to stay on the show. His teammates agreed to let him stay, presumably because they thought they needed to have four bodies to compete for the team weight loss challenge. After the vote, Harvey and Diamond had another verbal exchange:
"Harvey: Looks like you got three strikes with them, huh? I could care less whether your Nazi communist ass comes back.
Diamond: After being called a Nazi, I have to call my attorney on this one. And that's actually a racist remark towards my people and my religion ... I have contacted the Jewish Defense League and they're in full agreeance. To insult an entire race of people, that falls under hate crime.
Harvey: I'm insulting you. Just bring it on man."
Diamond was really upset at this time, and said to the other contestants, "I wish someone would have at least spoken up and said something."
In later interviews, Diamond said,
"By calling me a Nazi, Harvey made it clear that he doesn't like me. He had already called me a Nazi a number of times. That really bothered me, as I think it would anyone in my situation.
Somebody slaps you, you turn the other cheek. Fine. Slap me again, you're pushing it, buddy. Slap me a third time, I'm gonna fuck you up."
Diamond and the other contestants were then allowed to return to their barracks to change into their respective Celebrity Fit Club uniforms. Willie Aames asked Diamond what had happened the previous week, but Diamond would not provide any answers. Diamond was being very evasive and was clearly upset, making the other contestants think that Diamond was being extremely paranoid. Diamond also called his lawyer on his cell phone to whine about his alleged mistreatment.
In a later interview, Diamond said, "You're not paranoid if what you're paranoid about is actually true. If you're worried that people are out to get you and they actually are, well guess what? You're not paranoid."
A.J. Benza and Willie Aames were very annoyed with the bitchy Diamond at this point in time. Diamond quickly walked outside and kept talking to his lawyer on his cell phone. While walking outside, a cameraman followed Diamond, causing Diamond to get even more upset. Diamond exclaimed, "You can't use this [footage]. I'm on the phone with the attorney. There's confidentiality and if we have to, we'll file an injunction and stop the whole fucking show. Deal with it."
In another subsequent interview, Diamond said, "I don't think anyone can say, 'I'm an asshole, there's something wrong with me,' because I've taken more abuse than I deserved. And if things keep getting stacked against me, I'm gonna say, 'Go fuck yourself.'"
Toccara tried to get Diamond to calm down while he walked outside, but Diamond said that Harvey didn't like Jews. Diamond continued walking over to a restroom for some privacy. Diamond mentioned something about being upset that the other cast members had voted to boot him off during the previous episode. When he finally walked out of the rest room, Diamond tried to act like a tough guy, saying, "Get ready for hell, bitch!"
After leaving the bathroom, Diamond stayed in his barracks while the rest of the contestants stood in line outside the barracks waiting for instructions from Harvey. Toccara, Yothers, and Harvey went back into the barracks to talk to Diamond. Harvey apologized to Diamond and said that he had no problem with Diamond from a racial standpoint. While Harvey apologized, Toccara and Yothers hugged Diamond while Diamond cried like an immature little baby. While sobbing, Diamond said, "I just came here to work out."
In a later solo interview, Diamond said, "Harvey came in and apologized. But I know crap's still coming. And so, I do have cards up my sleeve."
The contestants were then driven to a three-stage challenge event. In the first stage, each team member was to throw cannonballs at four targets. After all of the targets were hit for a team, the team was to proceed to the next stage, where the team members were to wear anti-gravity boots and run a course. In the final stage, each team had to drive a quadricycle (a carriage supported by bicycle wheels that moves when the people inside push on pedals attached to the wheels). At the start of the event, Erin Moran fell down and injured herself. Sommore also injured herself, apparently straining her groin.
The challenge event was halted after the injuries to Erin Moran and Sommore. Ant revised the rules and said that because two members on the blue team were injured, two members of the red team would need to sit out the challenge event. Willie Aames had a trick knee, so the members of the red team agreed he should sit out. Yothers volunteered to participate in the event and Toccara and Yothers tried to convince Diamond to act like a man and volunteer to compete in the challenge event.
Although Diamond actually owns a pair of the anti-gravity boots and often wears them, he whined about how he might get tired and winded if he competed. FYI, Diamond actually wore anti-gravity boots on an episode from the sixth season of Saved By The Bell: The New Class. Look at Diamond gaying up this scene while strutting around in the anti-gravity boots:
After some discussion with Diamond, Toccara gave up trying to convince Diamond to compete and decided to compete on her own behalf. Yothers was not pleased with Diamond's wimpy decision to sit out, saying,
"When it came down to us picking two [to compete], I thought for sure Dustin had to stand up and say, 'I'm doing it. No matter what, I'm doing it.'
His first reaction was, 'I might get winded at the top of the hill.' No shit, Sherlock! We're all gonna be freakin' winded!
That was Dustin's chance to step up and man up."
About Diamond's decision, Toccara said, "I really wanted Dustin to man up and say, 'Toccara, I'm going to do this. I don't care if you don't think I should do it or whatever, I'm going to do this.'"
Brian Dunkleman, Ant, and A.J. Benza were shocked at Diamond's pathetic decision to sit out the challenge event, while letting the women on his team compete. In a later interview, Diamond claimed that he could have competed, but that he let Yothers and Toccara go because they really wanted to compete. He also claimed that he showed good leadership skills during the challenge event because he cheered on Yothers and Toccara from the sidelines.
Not surprisingly, the blue team easily won the competition, winning various prizes. Harvey was so pleased with the efforts of Yothers and Toccara that he decided that there would not be a "dead weight" vote this week.
Next, everyone reconvened at the barracks for dinner. The cast members were given food and allowed to cook their own dinner. Everyone seemed to know how to cook except for Diamond who couldn't figure out what to do with an onion.
After dinner, Diamond, Erin Moran, and Brian Dunkleman drank wine and played pool. Diamond started to get really loopy and upset after awhile, as he again thought about the vote to kick him off that occurred at the end of the fourth episode.
Brian Dunkleman and Diamond had the following conversation:
"Diamond: So now I know Erin's reason [for voting to kick Diamond off], what was your reason for saying, 'gone'?
Dunkleman: Here's the thing, Dustin. I'm only concerned about the way I come off on the show.
Diamond: Just out of curiosity, this is how my mind works. If you were walking down the street and saw a man mugging an old lady, you don't know her ...
Dunkleman: That's an absurd analogy.
Diamond: No it isn't. I stick up for buddies more than you seem to stick up for me, let's put it that way.
Dunkleman: Well, let me ask you this, Dustin - what is the benefit of me buddying up with the guy that was the overall fucking senseless villain and hated person in the season before? That is the last thing that I want to get involved in.
Diamond: I said this morning ... I said that I had the Jewish defense league on my side ... and I do. And to be called 'Nazi' twice in the morning? This entire production could be shut down like that [Diamond snapped his fingers]... done. Harvey could be out the fucking door right now. You know why? Because he doesn't like Jews.
Dunkleman: Well, I don't know that.
Diamond: Well, I do.
Dunkleman: I think you're wrong.
Diamond: Doesn't matter.
Dunkleman: I don't see any evidence that he hates Jews. He hates you.
Diamond: If I make one phone call tomorrow, this whole production shuts down.
Dunkleman: We understand ...
Diamond: No, you don't understand. People better watch their ass, because I could show up at your house and fucking knife you in the gut.
Dunkleman: That's a weird thing to say.
Diamond: Hey, you piss me off and I justify it and I have the skill and technique [Diamond made a faux karate chop with his hands] ... You'd better watch your ass. I'll gut you motherfucker. You watch your ass. I'll kill your fucking ass!"
After his bizarre conversation with Dunkleman, an interview was shown where Diamond said, "I'm not gonna come in and be made to look like a douche bag. That's not gonna happen again. I'll tell you that right now. Because, well - I'll say it. I'm smarter than most. You know, the people who are out to get me, I'm smarter than."
The contestants woke up early the next morning for some exercises. There were taken to a field and given wooden rifles and marched and ran an obstacle course while holding the rifles.
Finally, the weigh-ins were shown. The weigh-in ceremony was relatively uneventful, although Toccara did say that Diamond should have volunteered in the three-stage challenge event the day before. Diamond became very defensive and claimed that he would have done it; Diamond's teammates disagreed with his assertion. When Diamond got up on the scale, he was pleased to have lost 7 lbs from his previous weigh-in during the third episode. He has now lost 16 lbs since the start of the show.
**Be sure to check out my other Dustin Diamond entries:
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp - Episode I
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp - Episode II
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp - Episode III
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp - Episode IV
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp - Episode VI
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp - Episode VII
Dustin Diamond - Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp - Episode VIII
Dustin Diamond - (2007 Celebrity Fit Club Appearance)
Dustin Diamond - The Early Years
Dustin Diamond (2000-Present)