Dustin Diamond – The Early Years

Dustin Diamond is the epitome of the term “washed-up celebrity.” He rose from obscurity to become a child star on a the Saturday morning TV high school sitcom, Saved By The Bell, despite a complete lack of good looks, charisma, acting ability, or comedic talent.

Diamond played the character "Screech" on the Good Morning: Miss Bliss, Saved By The Bell, Saved By The Bell: The College Years, and Saved By The Bell: the New Class, becoming more of a caricature and joke with each passing season. One would think that Diamond would be proud of all he accomplished as a child actor and would now be living the high life off all of the money he made on the various Saved By The Bell shows. Shockingly, that is not the case, as Diamond has managed to piss all of his money away and become nothing more than a pathetic joke to the millions of people who grew up watching Saved By The Bell.

This entry is a long one, as Diamond has done many, many things worthy of derision during his train-wreck of a career. So I have broken it into two posts. This first post covers Diamond’s life up through 2000, when Saved By The Bell: the New Class went off the air.


I. The Good Morning: Miss Bliss Years (1987-1989)

Diamond was originally cast as Screech on Good Morning: Miss Bliss, a show that ran on the Disney Channel from 1987-1989. Screech was an annoying and dorky kid in an Indianapolis, Indiana junior high school who was somehow friends with Zack Morris, his much more popular classmate. Although Screech would occasionally do dumb things during on the show, he was a normal, albeit weird, kid and he was practically a genius in the classroom, always doing well in his classes. His nickname “Screech” was given to him because he had a tendency to speak in a high-pitched voice that was supposed to be funny (even though it wasn’t).














II. The Saved By The Bell Years (1989-1993)

Good Morning: Miss Bliss was cancelled in 1989 and was repackaged as Saved By The Bell, a Saturday morning high school comedy/drama. The show’s location was moved from Indianapolis to Los Angeles, California, and several new characters were added, including A.C. Slater, a jock with a permed mullet (played by Mario Lopez), Kelly Kapowski (the head cheerleader), and Jessie Spano (the studious and annoying girlfriend of Slater and a champion of left-wing causes). Screech was friends with all of the main characters of Saved By The Bell, and Zack Morris continued to be his best friend. However, the writers were running out of ideas for the Screech character, so they turned him into a comic foil for the other characters. However, the writing was not very good - instead of actually providing laughs, Screech became a character that served to do nothing more than annoy the other characters and do dumb things.














Although he did do dumb things, he somehow managed to invent and build a robot whom he called “Kevin.” Kevin was one of Screech’s best friends and they actually competed together in a talent contest as magicians, as shown below. Unfortunately, Kevin was killed off after a few episodes.

Although Screech was an annoying turd, the cool kids at Bayside were friends with him. Screech also dressed like a complete idiot, wearing colorful and fruity Zubaz pants to class. Screech would occasionally get picked on, but eventually got his act together enough to get a girlfriend, Violet, who was one of the school nerds. Screech graduated at the top of his class and had a good relationship with the Bayside principal, Mr. Belding.

III. The Saved By The Bell: The College Years (1993-1994)

Screech attended California University with Zack, Slater, and Kelly on Saved By The Bell: The College Years. This was an awkward time, as Screech was going through puberty and was becoming uglier and more annoying every day. Screech continued to use his high-pitched “Screech” voice even though his voice was becoming deeper. The College Years was cancelled after a year due to low ratings.














IV. The Saved By The Bell: The New Class Years (1994-2000)

Saved By The Bell: The New Class was created to chronicle the students at Bayside after Screech, Zack, and Slater graduated in 1993. The first season did not do well, and producers decided that drastic changes were necessary. To save the show, the producers brought back Screech. Screech’s role on the New Class was as Mr. Belding’s assistant through some kind of college internship.

At the beginning of the New Class, Screech was the same annoying character he was on the College Years and near the end of the original Saved By The Bell show. The writers decided to mix things up a bit, so they gave Screech the catch-phrase “Zoinks” that Screech would often yell out whenever he screwed something up.

Unfortunately, the writers quickly ran out of ideas for the New Class. To keep the show interesting, Screech and Mr. Belding became close friends over time. I’m not sure whether it was intentional, but it certainly seemed as though Screech and Mr. Belding eventually became gay lovers. If you don’t believe me, take a look at these photos of Screech and Belding from several New Class episodes. Why else would Screech oil up Belding at a country club or ride a tandem bike with him unless they were lovers?

Screech also grew a huge Jewish afro (a.k.a., a “Jew-fro”) during several of the seasons. It’s unclear as to whether the Jew-fro was supposed to be funny, but I know that I certainly thought it was. Seriously, look at Screech in the photos below. Does he look like an idiot or what?















Dustin Diamond kept reprising the Screech role until Saved By The Bell: The New Class was finally cancelled in 2000. After the show ended, Dustin Diamond’s career quickly spiraled downward in a spectacular collapse, as is discussed in the next post, Dustin Diamond (2000 - present).

*See also Dustin Diamond (2007 Celebrity Fit Club Appearance) and Dustin Diamond - (2008 Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp Appearance)

Jerry Mathers

Jerry Mathers is the granddaddy of all washed-up celebrities. For all intents and purposes, he was the "Dustin Diamond" of the 1950s, reaching the pinnacle of his life before he even hit age 15 when he starred as Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver on the hit TV show "Leave It To Beaver" from 1957-1963. Here are some early pictures of a young Mathers:


America loved the inquisitive young tyke on Leave It To Beaver. He was a cute and wholesome young boy growing up in a time of innocence. The sit-com followed the young Beaver as he experienced his adolescent years at school, the candy shop, and throughout his neighborhood.

Puberty, however, was extremely harsh to Mathers, as it gave him a good ass-kicking from which he never recovered. Mathers morphed from a cute wholesome kid into an ugly little troll as is painfully obvious in the pictures below:



Rather than accept his fate in life and attempt to move on to bigger and better things, Mathers has attempted to stay in the limelight long after his time has passed. He occasionally shows up in self-parody roles. I remember seeing him playing a washed-up loser (i.e., himself) on an episode of Married With Children in the early 1990s. He also maintains a website where he refers to himself as "An Entertainment Legend and American Icon" even though his only acting of any significance ended 43 years ago when he was a mere 15 years old. He also still makes guest appearances in an unsuccessful attempt to make him seem important and worthy of respect. All of this makes Mathers one washed-up celebrity!

Jeremy Miller

Jeremy Miller was a child actor playing the role of “Ben Seaver” on the hit TV show “Growing Pains” between 1985 and 1992. He was the youngest child in the fictional Seaver family and chosen because the show's producers though he was a cute kid:


Apparently the producers weren't the only one who thought that Miller was a cute kid. An older male stalker took notice of Miller on Growing Pains and sent him numerous letters. The stalker threatened to molest and kill Miller in his letters and even listed the date he planned to come to the set to carry out the fantasy. In one of the letters, the stalker was bold enough to actually write down his home address. Luckily, the FBI arrested the individual shortly thereafter near the Philadelphia area. The stalker was later convicted and sent to prison for his actions.

One of Miller's best friends while growing up was fellow washed up former child star Dustin Diamond. As with many child stars, Miller went through an awkward time while he experienced puberty. His voice changed, he grew much taller, and also outgrew his character on Growing Pains. During this time Miller grew a long mullet and sported huge glasses on the show, turning off many of Growing Pains' young female fans. Miller's character became so unpopular with Growing Pains fans that the producers brought in Leonardo DiCaprio in a last-ditch effort to maintain the show's female fan base. Here are some pictures of a teenaged Miller:




Although Miller acted somewhat effeminately on Growing Pains, causing many of the show's fans to question his sexuality, Miller is supposedly now engaged to a woman. Miller also really let himself go over the last few years - he has gained a substantial amount of weight and is currently working on a second chin and carries a "spare tire" around his waist as shown in the pictures below:



Ever since Growing Pains went off the air in 1992 Miller has struggled to find work. He has not had roles of any significance other than 2000 and 2004 Growing Pains TV reunion movies. He supposedly wants to be a chef but is having trouble breaking into the culinary arts. According to Former Child Star Central, Miller was spotting in 2005 working as a shift manager at a fast food restaurant in California and mentioned that he still wants to be a chef. He was also seen driving a Dodge Omni. All of this makes him one washed up celebrity!

*** Update *** - January 22, 2007
Jeremy Miller appeared in a McDonald's commercial a couple weeks after this post was originally written, solidifying his status as a washed-up actor.

*** Update *** - October 25, 2009
Someone sent me this picture of Miller and his fiance. It appears as though Miller has lost much of his excess body fat that he had accumulated during the slow years after Growing Pains was canceled.

Taran Noah Smith

Taran Noah Smith was a child actor playing the role of “Mark Taylor” on “Home Improvement” between 1991 and 1999. Home Improvement fans often couldn’t remember his real name, and instead affectionately referred to him as “the ugly kid on Home Improvement.”

He was only 7 years old when Home Improvement started. He looked a little bit dorky in his first years on the show but appeared to be normal on the surface. Here’s a picture of Taran in his youth:

Puberty, unfortunately, was not kind to Taran, as he started breaking out in acne and quickly grew tall and lanky to the point at which he was several inches taller than Jonathan Taylor Thomas, who played his older brother on the show. By the time Home Improvement finally went off the air in 1999, Smith was a really goofy-looking teenager. He also seemed to look more and more gay with each successive season of the show. Here are some pictures of Smith partying with several guys who appear to be flaming gay (I can only speculate as to what kind of hijinx were going on at their party):




In 2001, at age 17, he married Heidi Van Pelt, a 33-year-old woman (they are shown together in the first picture below). He also sued his parents for control of a $1.5 million trust fund created with his Home Improvement earnings that his parents were pilfering. It’s unclear as to whether Smith married Van Pelt to get away from his parents, cover up the fact that he’s gay, or whether he indeed feel in love with her. One thing that is certain, however, is that Smith is a grease-ball who hasn’t washed his face or hair since about 1989, as one can clearly in the second picture below which was taken in September 2005. Smith is dressed as though he’s going to a costume party – someone should tell him that he should wait until Halloween before dressing up as a freak and going out in public. All of this makes him one washed-up celebrity!



Update - July 17, 2007

Taran Noah Smith has become far more washed up than anyone could have ever predicted. It certainly seems as though Van Pelt was only after Smith's money, as his parents had initially warned him about. He and Van Pelt divorced on February 2, 2007 and he recently lost his house to foreclosure. It was reported that he and/or Van Pelt completely trashed his 4 bedroom/4 bath house located in the Los Angeles suburb of Sherman Oaks. Apparently the entire house reeks of the smell of "shit" and "piss," holes have been punched in the walls, and odd messages are spray painted all of the inside of the house. A real estate tear-sheet for teh house reads "Absolutely the worst house in a prime location," and the house is now on the market for a mere $1.149 million.

Smith's lawyer blamed the damage on his ex-wife, saying "You can thank his golddigging ex-wife for the debacle he's in."



Update - August 10, 2007

Smith was recently interviewed by the National Enquirer about his recent divorce. Smith said, "I guess I'm living proof that love is blind. I've lost my house, and now I'm fighting to stop my wife from taking my livelihood away from me. I'm done with older women."

Smith also mentioned that the reason he recently left his wife was because she announced she preferred girls to guys. He said the couple agreed to have an open marriage, yet when Taran found a steady girlfriend, his angry wife smashed every dish they owned.

Smith also said that "friends" were the ones who trashed his home in Sherman Oaks. Meanwhile, Taran has apologized to his parents. "I had to go back to them and say: 'I'm sorry. You were right about Heidi.'"

Update - February 1, 2012

Taran Noah Smith was arrested at around 1:00 A.M. on February 1, 2012 in Los Angeles County for a DUI and alleged possesion of marijuana. Smith was reportedly parked at an odd angle next to a fire hydrant in his 1998 Honda when a police officer decided to investigate and was overcome by the smell of marijuana emanating from Smith's car. It is unclear whether Smith was alone in his car at the time or whether any of his creepy party buddies shown in the pictures above were with him at the time.

Pauly Shore

Pauly Shore is a stand-up comedian and actor who rose to stardom in the mid-1990s overcoming his troll-like looks and incredibly unfunny persona. He started out on the MTV show “Totally Pauly.” “Totally Pauly” ran for 4 years and then Shore segued into movies, starring in a minor box-office hit “Encino Man” in 1992. Shore followed up with roles in movies that are generally viewed as being some of the worst movies produced during the 1990s, including “Son in Law,” “Jury Duty,” and “Bio-Dome,” playing an androgynous fruitcake in each.




When the American public finally realized his lack of comedic talent, Shore's movie roles dried up. In an effort to regain the spotlight, Shore appears to have gotten a hair transplant (or hair plugs) as show in the picture below.


Shore recently realized that desperate times call for desperate measures and needed a way to force his way into the public eye. So he decided it would be funny to stage a beating at one of his standup shows. Look at the Youtube video below. It looks real, doesn’t it? I was also convinced until I read this article that it was nothing more than a setup by a comic whose time has long-since slipped away. All of this makes him one washed-up celebrity!




*** Update - November 9, 2007 ***

TMZ.com recently added some new pictures of Pauly Shore hanging out at the beach. I'm amazed at how fat and out-of-shape Pauly Shore has become:

Dennis Haskins

Dennis Haskins played "Mr. Belding" on the TV shows "Good Morning Miss Bliss," "Saved By The Bell," and "Saved By The Bell: The New Class" between 1987 and 2000. Here's a picture of Dennis Haskins from his early days on Saved By The Bell:

When Saved By The Bell went off the air in 2000 Haskins struggled to find acting work and he undoubtedly felt pigeon-holed in his role as Mr. Belding. In an attempt to change his image Haskins grew a mustache as shown in this picture from 2000 or 2001:

Haskins eventually shaved his mustache and became a party animal trying to pick up college-age women at bars. He currently enjoys life and eats every piece of greasy and fatty food in sight as shown in the pictures below. As you can clearly see, Haskins is definitely a washed-up actor!





*** Update - March 24, 2008 ***

TMZ.com recently posted some pictures of Dennis Haskins partying in Las Vegas with women who appear to be strippers. Apparently Haskins is still a huge (literally) party animal!



*** Update - May 21, 2009 ***

I recently discovered that one of Dennis Haskins' first TV roles was on The Dukes of Hazzard. Haskins made a minor appearance in the very first episode of that popular series back in 1979. Here are some screen captures of Haskins from the episode, "One Armed Bandits," where Haskins played an annoying truck driver who sexually harassed Daisy Duke at a bar. Amazingly, Haskins was only 27 or 28 when this scene was filmed, although I think he could have passed for mid-30s.





*** Update - May 18, 2010 ***

I received an email that is purportedly from either Dennis Haskins or one of his operatives. Apparently Haskins is under the impression that I have claimed he has been arrested. I have never written (now or in the past) that Dennis Haskins was arrested for anything and as far as I know he is a law-abiding citizen! This is the email I received:

Dennis Haskins (dennis.haskins1@gmail.com)
to -------
date Mon, May 17, 2010 at 12:08 PM
subject Dennis Haskins article

May 17 (2 days ago)

To whom it may concern,

While searching Google for Dennis Haskins the phrase Dennis Haskins arrested appears and connects to your web site. Mr. Haskins has never been arrested for anything. This is not true and falls into the legal category of slander. This should be removed within 24 hours or legal action will be taken against you, your site and Google. We've taken note that you've adjusted your article to say allegedly but this does not change the way you have tied it into the Google search and does not prevent you from being pursued legally. You have 24 hours as of 10:08am pst

I just lost a lot of respect for Dennis Haskins. I assume that this email was sent to authors who publish different websites. Note that he claims that I "adjusted [the] article to say allegedly." However, the only place where the word "allegedly" appears on this post is in the email above and in this sentence!

*** Update - May 19, 2010 ***

As far as I can tell, Dennis Haskins is apparently upset about this comment left by an anonymous person below (FYI, I did not post this comment and have no way of determining who wrote it):

Anonymous said...

If you yahoo search "Mr belding young women" or go to tmz.com, he apparently has been arrested many times for groping women. Bronson Pinchot is his "party friend".
August 01, 2009 1:02 PM

Because I am still a fan of Saved By The Bell and Mr. Belding, I have deleted this comment from below, although I am still annoyed with him for threatening his fans! I hope that Dennis Haskins chills out in the future and starts appreciating his fans again. He might consider appearing on Celebrity Fit Club with pal Dustin Diamond to try to restart his career. However, I must confess that I am beginning to wonder whether his "nice guy" public persona is all just a ruse...

There is nothing defamatory about this post now and there never has been anything defamatory in the past. However, the fact that Haskins spends his day sending threatening emails despite failing to understand that "slander" refers exclusively to spoken defamation further proves that he is one washed-up celebrity!

*** Update - February 5, 2015 ***

Jimmy Fallon performed in a Saved By The Bell skit on the Tonight Show on February 4, 2015 alongside original cast-members Mark-Paul Gosselaar, Mario Lopez, Tiffani Thiessen, Elizabeth Berkley, and Dennis Haskins.  (There was no explanation regarding the absense of Lark Voorhies or the despised Dustin Diamond.)  Unfortunately I am unable to embed the video, but it can be viewed here.  The skit was very well-received and quickly became a trending topic on Twitter.  It was shocking to see Dennis Haksins in the skit, as he apparently progressed from simply being "really fat" all the way to his current status of "morbidly obese."